Monday, July 29, 2013

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Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Grief and Loss

If you have ever lost a mate, who you loved, then you know how difficult it is to go on with your life. It is a severe heart-wrenching pain that seems to tear you apart, leaving you unable to deal with the day to day activities. When my husband died, very unexpectedly, I wanted to die as well. Had no desire to go on alone. My soul seemed to be as dead as he was, there was no reason to go living, the purpose of my life was no longer there.

After the first few days and the funeral (of which I remember little), was over, I was left with a hole in my heart that could not be filled. Friends and families returned to their normal, everyday lives while I was left empty, with a closet full of his clothes and worries about how I was going to survive financially as well as emotionally. I ate little, no sense cooking, no one to cook for. There was no joy - he was not coming back through the door, not ever again, nor would I ever see his smile and hear his hearty laugh. My birthday came and went five days after he died, the grandfather clock he had had delivered the day before he died, my gift, was a constant hourly reminder, yet I treasured it.

As a health professional, I had done CPR unsuccessfully, and self-doubt of my skills haunted me. Later it was concluded that he died from a brain stem aneurism, that it had been instantaneous, but he was still gone. I had not been able to save the love of my life, the reason I got up everyday. I tried to find solace in going back to work, I had loved caring for my patients and enjoyed the friendship of other staff members, but now they just irritated me. I was filled with anger at those who happily went on as before, as my grief consumed me. I had had grief in my life when my new born, who had been premature had died, but the intensity had faded with time. This grief kept me constant company, sat on my shoulder, I wondered if it would ever go away.

Grief and Loss

Thanksgiving Day, his favorite holiday followed a few weeks after my birthday, so what, I did not care, just wanted to get through it. Went to my daughter's house and went home as soon after as possible. There was no thanksgiving in my heart, only the constant ache of loneliness. The food was probably good, but what few bites I took had no taste. I cried most of the way home, how I hated that empty house. I was so angry with him for leaving me behind. I left his voice on the answering machine and listened to it often, till my kids demanded that I take it off. It was too painful for them, when they called to check on me. I noticed the scent of his cologne was fading in the bathroom. I so missed the impromptu hugs while I was doing dishes, or cooking. I missed going out to eat, going out to restaurants had been a favorite past-time. Now I stayed home, as I could not bear to see couples together enjoying themselves.

That was 11 years ago, and my loss is just as intense, whenever it let myself think about it. Days stretch on into more lonely days, yet I have survived. I have happy memories that help sustain me. Everyday is still a struggle, some more so than others, humans were not meant to be alone. Birthdays, anniversaries, Father's Day and Thanksgiving are still reoccurring events that remind me of what I lost, but also of my children and grandchildren who also miss him.

Life goes on, no matter what has happened to us. We are such a small entity in the grand scheme of life that we do not matter as individuals, and will vanish with time. We must go on, our faith to steady us, until our last days. Trying to do good, not harm and living one day at a time has made it possible. Friends and family, enjoying all that is around us and being thankful for what we have at this moment is what is important. This to will pass!!

Grief and Loss
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Monday, February 25, 2013

Death & Grieving - The Three Phases - Advice For Dealing With Grief

There is very little training available for coping with death or help for dealing with grief. We come into this world with very little and we leave on the same terms, but along the way we become richer in what we learn, who we love and the memories that we store.

Our loved ones share in our development, success, failures; loves, losses and their memories of times with us build along life's journey. So when we depart, it is those fond memories we leave behind for others to remember, and if that can be our focus during periods of grief, then grieving can be a positive emotion instead of a memory of loss.

Life provides no preparation for the loss of a fond soul and we usually don't know what to expect until we experience a major loss and begin to suffer the consequences.

Death & Grieving - The Three Phases - Advice For Dealing With Grief

When we grieve we can experience all kinds of sensations. Some feel the impacts physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. The important thing to remember is not to be afraid to grieve. In denial some try to put their grief aside and "get over it," but this only delays the healing process, as it is thought that there are three distinct phases of grief.

Shock and Denial

This is usually the first reaction to death. A feeling of numbness, disbelief that a loved one has gone, when we temporarily enter into a world of unreality, but during this phase we gradually adjust our minds to begin to accept the loss.

This is a very difficult time, we find ourselves in a state of constant grief and unbearable pain. We swing back and forth between believing the loss has happened and denying the possibility that it has. It is very important that you allow yourself the time to adjust to the loss and to come to terms with it as part of coping with grief - This phase can last for several weeks.

Turmoil and Disorganization

Our world enters in to a state of not coping and complete turmoil, we are experiencing grief at the loss of a loved one and at the same time we are trying to adjust to what we perceive as an empty world without that person in it. This phase can be very testing for us and those around us as they watch and try to support us. We can become extremely intensely focused upon the reality of our loss, but at the same time we will try almost anything to escape it.

Our body can enter a phase of total exhaustion and extreme emotion, and the grieving person will often experience mood swings, which can be dramatic and hurtful for those around us. Normal emotions during this phase can include anger, extreme sadness, depression, despair and jealousy towards others who haven't suffered the same loss.

This phase develops, allowing people begin to understand all the implications of the loss and start to rebuild their life - This phase can be a case one step forward and two steps back and can last a year or more before it concludes.

Recovery

The recovery phase is a time that is also referred to as the acceptance or reorganization phase. The period of total chaos and turmoil eases as we move to a point of new balance. Life moves on with fond memories, but without the intense emotions of grief that were experiencing earlier. We become aware that the physical signs of their grief are beginning to fade and we feel more able to cope with life in a positive way and are much less exhausted than we once were.

The pain of the loss remains, but the unbearable intensity of it recedes, and we begin to rebuild our lives and experience hope again. Life seems possible again, new focuses develop, life's routines adapt and our ability to interact without that feeling of constant heartache subsides. Love, laughter and new memories will never replace old ones and they shouldn't as these are held in a special place in our heart, but space is created to develop new ones and we should never feel guilty about allowing a new life to begin.

Death & Grieving - The Three Phases - Advice For Dealing With Grief
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As a leading authority on with the financial services sector in the UK, Mark Leaper of http://www.moneymatchmaker.com has many years experience in delivering consumer advice, tips and information for dealing with life's challenges. For more information about Coping with death, arranging a funeral or a prepaid funeral plans, go to http://www.funeraldirectorsukdirectory.co.uk.

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Saturday, February 16, 2013

Headstone Sayings & Quotes

A headstone saying, quote, or epitaph is an inscription on a tombstone in memory of the one buried there. It gives a brief literary piece commemorating a deceased person. Some headstone sayings or quotes are  taken from biblical scripture, poetry, or notes what the person was best known for.

The final stage of burial is the laying of ashes or body in the ground or vault. When you place a loved one in a cemetery, the headstone is the final piece that identifies their grave. They often are short reflections of the person's existence and highlights their personality or accomplishments.

Headstone sayings & quotes can also come in the form of comfort to the surviving family members. Nevertheless, they are unique sayings personal to the deceased. "Rest in Peace" is a popular headstone saying that is well known and often used.

Headstone Sayings & Quotes

Some people can get an idea of headstone sayings by walking around a cemetery and reading some of the headstones. It's important to personalize the headstone by selecting a phrase that is appropriate for the deceased. Remember that this will mark their grave forever.

Headstone sayings do not have to be lengthy phrases but rather can be short phrases that contain words relating to the deceased. For example, a saying for a religious father who served in the military, may read-"Loved God, Family, and Country".

There are also headstone sayings that contain longer phrases. Such as this epitaph for a man from Texas which reads "An amiable father here lies at rest As ever God with his image blest. The friend of man, the friend of truth, The friend of age, the guide of youth."

Headstone sayings & quotes can be thought provoking to the passerby. One such headstone may read: "My good people as you pass by as you are now so once was I. As I am now you soon will be, prepare yourself to follow me." They can contain various themes but the most important aspect of writing an epitaph is to make sure it reflects the person's personality or character.

Headstone Sayings & Quotes
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For more headstone sayings & quotes and funeral resources, visit The Funeral Program Site where you will find a wealth of information that can assist you in the details of the funeral or memorial service. This website offers beautiful funeral programs that highlight your loved one's life, obituary help, poems, readings, and scripture verses.

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Saturday, February 9, 2013

The Five Stages of Grief After a Relationship Break Up

When there has been a dramatic change in our lives we feel a sense of loss for what has been. This is true if a long term relationship has ended or even a shorter term relationship where we have felt very intense emotions and love.

You are in fact feeling the emotions of grief. By understanding the stages of grieving you can move on more quickly to a point where you can rationally decide your next steps for the broken relationship. This may mean moving on from a relationship totally or making plans to get back together with your ex.

Not everyone follows the 5 stages of grief in order, sometimes stages are missed all together. Sometimes you may move backwards and forwards through the stages in a roller coaster of emotions. Everyone is different. By understanding the grieving process you will recognise what is happening and this empowers you to take control.

The Five Stages of Grief After a Relationship Break Up

The Five Stages of Grief

1. Denial

When you have broken up you may initially feel numb. You know the relationship has ended but can not take it in that you have actually broken up. You hope that things will be "OK" later in the day or that things will be back to normal in the morning. The denial stage rarely lasts long as your ex does not come back home or return calls etc.

2. Anger

When you break up you often feel angry and look for someone to blame. Often rational thoughts go out of the window and we look to punish the person we feel is to blame for the break up of the relationship. This can be a very dangerous stage of grief. In a rage you may take some actions that will destroy any chance of getting back together with your ex, or even may be illegal and get you into serious trouble.

3. Bargaining/Buying your ex back

Some people actively try and buy back their ex and offer some sort of deal to get back together with their ex. This would include things like offering to move house, give up friendships or things you enjoy in return for a relationship. While this may seem OK in the short term, the underlying issues why the relationship broke up in the first place are not addressed so the new relationship rarely lasts. It also makes you seem desperate to your ex and may drive them further away.

4. Depression

When the anger about the relationship break up is over, you can often feel depressed. Everything feels hopeless; you have no energy, feel paralysed and don't know what to do next. This is when you realise fully that the relationship has ended and you will feel there is nothing you can do that will have a positive outcome. Depression is a difficult stage as often you will not have the energy to make changes to come out of it. Recognising the depression stage of grief is important and taking small steps and setting goals to come out the other end helps. If you find you are depressed for a while or are thinking of harming yourself, please seek professional help.

5. Acceptance

The final stage of grief is acceptance; you agree and accept that the relationship has ended. Now is the time to start making changes to move on. At this stage you will also be able to rationally think if you do actually want to get back together with your ex or to put the relationship behind you.

The Five Stages of Grief After a Relationship Break Up
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Are you struggling to deal with your relationship break up? Or looking for advice about getting back together with your ex? The break up blog is crammed full of tips and advice, visit today!

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Wednesday, February 6, 2013

The Perfect Poems To Say At A Funeral

Although there is no such thing as a list of the perfect poems to say at a funeral, there are many examples of funeral poetry others have found evocative and memorable. Poetry comes in many forms and originates with many poets. Our individual needs vary with respect to memorial services, too. Nonetheless, there are a few things that all memorable funeral poems have in common.

First, perfect poems tend to reflect the personality of the departed. Even though he or she may not have been an avid reader of poetry, it is possible to find a verse that can capture his or her character and finest attributes.

Second, the best funeral poems captivate those assembled at the memorial service. They are not dry, stilted or dull poetry. They speak to the soul and create a very memorable experience.

The Perfect Poems To Say At A Funeral

Third, ideal poems to say at a funeral serve as a means of expressing the emotions of the reader. They become an extension of the thoughts and feelings of the presenter.

Fourth, uplifting funeral poems are usually a very wise selection. Choosing a poem that has a positive underlying theme of faith or hope imbues the funeral with a deeper significance and greater beauty.

Poetry has a unique ability to communicate our emotions. Poems are an almost unfiltered language, capable of expressing the complicated collection of emotions that grip us during trying times. When one finds a wonderful poem to read at a funeral, he or she creates an opportunity to share emotions and ideas in a very powerful manner.

If you are looking for funeral poems, you have probably experienced a recent loss. Please know that you will emerge from this trying time and that you have a great deal of support from family, friends and even people with whom you have never met. There are many great funeral poems available and you will find the right words.

The Perfect Poems To Say At A Funeral
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Find wonderful funeral poems and more assistance at Funeral Poems and Eulogies.

You can find the right words. Visit Thomas' website for free funeral poems and resources to help you create a perfect memorial

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Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Sympathy Messages

The loss of a loved one. It is often difficult to find the right words to express your sympathy to someone during this time of sorrow. A floral tribute and supportive message can offer much support to those grieving such a loss. Here we list some suggestions, perhaps to inspire you as you offer your condolences with your floral tribute.

~Our deepest condolences

~With Sympathy

Sympathy Messages

~Our thoughts are with you and your family.

~In Loving Memory

~You are in our thoughts and prayers.

~Fondest remembrances

~Thinking of you and offering you hope and comfort.

~May you find peace and love in the memories you cherish.

In the weeks after...

After the initial outpouring of support, even weeks after the service, encouraging words can provide continued comfort. Consider sending a floral arrangement, a green or blooming plant, or even a gourmet or fruit basket to the family's home with a supportive message. Here are a few suggestions for you;

~Just wanted you to know you are in my thoughts

~I have been thinking of you

~Hope this brings sunshine to your day

~Let's get together soon for lunch, give me a call.

~Just as you have been for us, we are always here for you.

Overall, an uplifting and sensitive message is most comforting. Avoid words like "sad" or "I know how you feel". Messages offering your heartfelt support and friendship with your floral tribute will be appreciated. Your local florist can offer further suggestions about sending a floral tribute.

Sympathy Messages
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Tenley McDonald- Former Florist- Now Co-Owner of [http://www.flowerpowernetwork.com] (Online Directory of Real Local Florists) You can call a local florist direct! No middleman, no extra fees! Ms. McDonald has over 14 years experience in ~Consumer Relations/Marketing ~Customer Service Management ~Floral Design.

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Friday, January 25, 2013

Brain Cancer - 7 Questions on Glioblastoma Multiforme

What are glia cells?

Glia cells hold together the neurons in the brain. The glia communicate with the neurons to trigger the neurons to function. One way to think of glia is that they are a network of cells throughout the brain. The glia are also described as the glue that holds the neurons in place.

What happens to the glia when they become malignant?

Brain Cancer - 7 Questions on Glioblastoma Multiforme

When the cells of a glia multiply, a malignancy is forming. Initially there will not be any symptoms. Unfortunately the cancer of the glia is very aggressive, that is, develops quickly. By the time symptoms are noticed a tumor is growing.

What is gliblastoma multiforme?

GBM, as glioblastoma multiforme is called, is the deadliest, most aggressive form of brain malignancy. GBM can form anywhere in the brain, and is the highest grade of cancer, a grade 4. There is no cure. There are 500,000 cases a year in the U.S.

What are GBM symptoms?

The symptoms are directly related to where the tumor is located in the brain. Brain malignancy is difficult to diagnose because for every group of symptoms there are multiple possible diagnoses. For instance, when my husband began searching for words, we thought he was experiencing "senior moments." Yet, he quickly progressed to no longer knowing the names for objects. Then he could no longer spell or read. These symptoms progressed over four weeks.

How is glioblastoma multiforme (GBM) diagnosed?

When brain involvement is expected, the MRI is performed. The MRI will show up the tumor, where it is located, its shape, and it its size. From a biopsy, tissue samples are sent to pathology where the tumor is diagnosed.

What is the treatment standard for glioblastoma (GBM)?

The first line of defense is surgical removal, called a resection. Not all GBMs are operable. If the malignancy is located at the brain stem or anywhere else where resection would cause more harm than improvement, then surgery is not an option. The next line of defense is radiation therapy, five days a week, for four to seven weeks, along with chemotherapy. When the radiation is completed, then there will be a maintenance protocol of continued chemotherapy for several months.

What is the prognosis for this type of cancer?

Poor, glioblastoma multiforme is incurable. Other GBM tumors will form, and other surgeries may be performed. Aggressive radiation and chemotherapy will be offered. Life expectancy is anywhere from few weeks to a couple of years.

The most aggressive and deadliest form of brain cancer is glioblastoma multiforme. This is the type of cancer that Ted Kennedy had. There is no cure for this cancer. Treatment options may include surgery, radiation and chemotherapy.

Brain Cancer - 7 Questions on Glioblastoma Multiforme
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Judy Brutz is a Quaker chaplain, marriage and family therapist, retreat leader and speaker. She is an authority on spouse caregiving and glioblastoma multiforme. Judy lives in Idaho with her family. Her husband is being treated for glioblastoma multiforme. Judy calls on her training and experience as hospice chaplain, therapist and retreat leader to care for herself. She writes for other spouse caregivers. She offers hope. Feel free to communicate with her. comments.judy@gmail.com

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Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Grieving The Loss Of A Loved Animal Companion

Today, perhaps more than ever before in history, our animal companions have played a more important role and assumed a greater meaning and significance in the lives of millions of Americans. It is estimated that there are approximately 68 million dogs and 73 million cats living in U.S, households. and that the pet industry generates nearly billion dollars in revenues per year. As our lives become increasingly stressful and challenging - as our world becomes increasingly complex, perilous, impersonal and technologically oriented, our pets have become more valued, respected and appreciated. Our pets have and continue to become beloved members of our families who provide us with unconditional love, loyalty and acceptance.

Pets are also often our very best and dearest friends, companions and confidants. In a world full of tumult, conflict and fear, their mere presence is comforting, calming and consoling. They offer us a safe haven, a comfort zone, the opportunity to relax, let down our guard, live "in the moment". and to be genuinely ourselves. They do not judge us and they accept us exactly as we are. They love us no matter what. In addition, our animal companions are affectionate, amusing and entertaining. They are literally "warm and fuzzy" and offer us true love and affection. They even make us laugh at their antics, engage us in play and exercise and help us forget about our problems. They keep us from being lonely and isolated. Although we live in a world full of stress and anxiety, tension and violence, hostility and negativity and although many of our lives are fraught with fear and dread of what tomorrow may bring, our beloved pets teach us to live in the present moment and with spontaneity. They teach us to accept what is...not to fear the future or dwell on the past.

Many of us find ourselves living far away from family and fiends - our professions, opportunities for higher education and improved financial circumstances, military service, etc. are responsible for our relocation from home and family to new communities, cities, countries and even continents. We are strangers in a new environment and culture. It is difficult to make new friends and to establish meaningful and heartfelt relationships. We live alone. We work alone - many of us barely connecting with one another - many of us interfacing with technology rather than with other human beings.

Grieving The Loss Of A Loved Animal Companion

We seek contact with others - we are in need of friendship, communication and support. Many of us, unable to forge bonds with fellow human beings, adopt animal companions. They become a part of our lives, hearts and homes. There are no secrets between us. We come to know each other intimately. We forge a deep, powerful and genuine bond with them, and in many cases, incorporate and integrate them into members of our families - adopted children, siblings, nieces, nephews, etc.

Few, if any human beings, can offer the beauty and purity, nobility and vulnerability of spirit, loyalty, unconditional love, acceptance, forgiveness and empathy of an animal companion. They are genuinely who they are and allow us, in turn, to be who we genuinely are. There is no pretense, no facade, no agenda, no artifice on the part of our pets - what we see is what we get! We can sigh with relief and satisfaction as we return home to be greeted by our pets after a hard, stress-filled and challenging day at work. Our pets welcome us with unabashed enthusiasm, affection and joy. And we let down our guard - knowing that we can change into our sweat clothes and play on the floor or in the back yard or play room with our animal "kids". We can happily interact with sentient friends who don't judge or talk back to us, friends who calm us down and bring us back to reality with priorities intact, friends who seem to understand us "better" than any of our other human friends.

Our animal companions benefit us emotionally, spiritually and physiologically. There is ample scientific data which proves that pet increase both longevity and quality of life. They provide physical and emotional well-being. The simple act of petting an animal friend has proven to be of significant physical and psychological benefit. A pet has a calming effect. Blood pressure is reduced. Heartbeat is improved. Resistance to disease is heightened and tension and anxiety are decreased. Our animal companions reduce stress, fear and anger. They also decrease sadness, loneliness and depression.

As we are their caregivers and responsible for their physical and emotional well-being, they provide many of us with a reason for getting up in the morning - we are responsible for nurturing, communicating and providing love, exercise, proper diet, nutrition and health care for our animal companions. They are sentient creatures who communicate in a language beyond mere words. When we are alone - whether we are single, young, elderly, widowed, separated, or divorced, these beloved ones by means of their simple presence, comfort and console us; they provide love and affection at home as well as on our errands, vacation and travel time. They're with us 24/7 - when we are reading, writing, at the computer, listening to the radio, watching television, cooking, entertaining, relaxing out on the patio, gardening, socializing, even traveling and on vacation with us. Our animals play a very important role in our general well-being and the way in which we deal with hardship and stress. And the number and intensity of the significant losses (human and otherwise) we have sustained during our lives, will help determine the intensity and amount of time and energy we spend grieving their loss when they die For many of us, our animal companions have afforded us the most stable, comforting and comfortable relationships we have experienced. Yet there are many humans who simply do not understand how deeply we love and care for our animals and who have personally never known the beauty, inspiration and wisdom to be derived from having extensive contact with a loved animal companion. They do not comprehend all the gifts these animals bring to us. For from our pets we learn of life and death, the cycles and seasons of life, the majesty and grandeur of the natural world and the pivotal o link we share with the natural world. There are far too many people who have not had the privilege of experiencing the joy, depth and beauty of knowing a beloved animal companion,, yet they may benefit from the words of the French poet and philosopher, Anatole Fance, who said, "Unless one has loved an animal a part of one's soul remains unawakened." Those of us privileged enough to know and love animals benefit profoundly and learn so many lessons about life and death; through the observation of and interaction with our pets, we learn much about the meaning and purposefulness of all life and the interconnectedness of all living creatures who share the earth.

From the moment we adopt a loving animal companion, our lives are irrevocably transformed. We learn to SHARE our hearts and our lives with these magnificent creatures; we hopefully make a lifetime commitment to provide health, peace happiness, well-being and harmony to the beautiful ones we adopt. We assume responsibility for their care and well-being. We do our best to ensure that they will share a happy, healthy, peaceful and fulfilling life with us and our other family members. Seldom do we pause and think about the fact that their lives are generally shorter than our own; that they will confront and be diagnosed with diseases and ailments as well as medical treatments similar to our own, that they will grow old and that they will one day die - whether from illness, injury, accident, etc. They, like us, are vulnerable and mortal. Life for them is, as for us, arbitrary, unpredictable and full of loss, grief and adversity. We are friends, teachers and guides to them as they are to us.

From our animal companions we learn much about growing old, for their aging process mirrors and mimics our own. We observe them as they become less active and robust; as they become less alert and attentive; as they lose interest in the food they relished and the toys and games in which they delighted. Their muzzles become grey or white; their gaze becomes dim; their hearing is less acute; they spend most of their time sleeping; they may be immobile and/or incontinent. They isolate and withdraw from us...In so many ways, they are like aging humans...

When our beloved pets have been diagnosed with a terminal illness such as cancer or HIV; when they are in great pain and obviously suffering; when they are not mobile and are incontinent; when they stop eating and drinking; when it is obvious that they are no longer experiencing a significant quality of life, we are faced with several options. One is to simply wait for them to die on their own, "naturally" and let their suffering continue living. The other is to help put a merciful end to their suffering by having them euthanized. Euthanasia is the Greek term meaning "good death", and it is administered by a trusted veterinarian -presumably one that has known you and your pet and provided treatment and advice over the years. The procedure is quick and virtually painless. However, the decision to have a pet euthanized is one of the most difficult and complex decisions we may ever make. It is also one of the least selfish, most compassionate and humane decisions we will make. We have done everything in our power to help our pets - provided loving care, medical attention, special diets, holistic and homeopathic remedies in addition to traditional medical procedures - and yet we have not been able to improve the quality of life for our beloved family member. Before making the decision to euthanize our pet, it is wise to research the subject and reflect upon our own spiritual/religious and philosophical orientation as well as what other religions and philosophies teach.

When it is painfully obvious that our beloved pet is dying, we experience many profound emotions: fear, overwhelming sadness and depression, intense loneliness, anger, frustration, self-pity, anguish, despair, guilt, and helplessness. When our pet dies, we are overcome by even more raw, powerful and painful emotions. Our lives are turned upside down; our daily routines and patterns are disrupted ; our plans for the future are shattered; there is a deep and painful void in our hearts and lives. We dearly miss our loved one. Our hearts have been broken by the loss of our gentle, unceasingly loving and loyal best friend. Initially, we may experience shock and denial, i.e. "I can't believe Jasmine is dead." "It isn't possible that she's not coming back." We may cry uncontrollably; scream in anger and frustration; withdraw and isolate from our friends and family members, lose interest in our jobs and in life itself. We may find ourselves unable to focus or concentrate on the simplest of tasks.. We may feel betrayed by and anger toward God - along with bitterness and resentment. Our hearts ache and we yearn to once again hug and hold our loved one, the one loyal, unconditionally loving and forgiving, trusted and true being who was pure of heart. We may not understand the depth and range of these intense emotions, but the fact is we are grieving!

As a society, most of us are taught little about grief -what it is and how to identify it, articulate it and cope with and recover from it. We are taught not to openly discuss our feelings about the loss of humans let alone an animal. We are advised to "Keep a stiff upper lip", "Be strong", "Get over it", "Move on," Don't burden others with your troubles", "Pull yourself up by your bootstraps". Our friends may be well-intentioned but are awkward and unschooled in the effort to comfort and console us. We, in turn, are ashamed, uncomfortable and embarrassed to acknowledge, let alone openly discuss our grief over the loss of a pet, and so we internalize our feelings even though our hearts may have been broken and the way to begin to recover from grief is to express our feelings openly and forthrightly.

And while it is acceptable and beneficial to mourn the death of a human being, to hold public as well as private funeral or memorial services, wakes and other ceremonies and burials and to eulogize our loved one and to receive sympathy and condolences from our friends, traditionally there have been few, if any of these public ceremonies or rituals available and acceptable which help comfort us and help us recover from our grief over the loss of a pet. However, it should be noted that this situation is changing dramatically as our pets' status and importance in our lives have increased and the public's consciousness regarding the importance of pets in our lives becomes increasingly elevated. Pet funerals, wakes, memorials, tributes and eulogies - even candle light vigils - have become much more common. With increasing frequency, we hold ceremonial burials and services for our pets. We may bury them in our gardens, family burial plots, at pet cemeteries. We may purchase a casket and headstone. We may choose to have them cremated and have their remains placed in an urn. We may choose to have their cremated remains buried in a special place or spread with our own remains at a sacred spot of special emotional or spiritual significance. We choose or design beautiful burial markers and graves; as beloved and cherished family members, their burial is sacred. We may mourn the passing of our beloved pet alone or with family members and friends who knew and loved our animal companion.

We honor, celebrate and memorialize the lives of our loved ones. We make financial endowments in their memory and honor; we donate to our favorite animal welfare organizations on their behalf; we pay for the rescue and care of abandoned, neglected and abused animals. We donate trees, shrubs, park benches ,memorial bricks, etc to honor and memorialize our our departed pets. We may adopt other pets in their honor, for there are so many abandoned, neglected and abused animals in need of loving homes.

When we grieve, we experience a confluence of painful feelings and emotions, but it is important to understand that no two people grieve in the same way. For example, Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, renowned M.D., author and pioneer researcher in the field of death and dying has delineated the 5 phases of bereavement when one is diagnosed with a terminal illness as denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. These do not necessarily apply to grief over the loss of a pet or another human being. We may experience one or more of these phases, but we may feel a vast spectrum of emotions including loneliness,, emptiness, abandonment ,helplessness, hopelessness, anger, guilt, depression and despair, rage and bitterness, etc. There is no prescribed or designated way to grieve; there is no allotted or "normal" time frame in which to grieve. Each of us is unique; the relationship that we had with the loved one was special. The most important aspects of recovering from grief are to know that it is the normal, natural and healthy response to loss and that it is cumulative. In other words, the intensity of the grief we experience over the loss of a loved pet may depend on how many previous losses we have sustained and the emotional and spiritual significance of these losses.

It is important to recognize that we are grieving and to give expression to our true feelings whether through conversations with loving, supportive and empathetic friends and colleagues. It may be helpful to consult with members of the clergy and various staff members of local animal welfare organizations or rescue groups who understand and have themselves experienced the loss of an animal companion. We may wish to contact a psychologist or grief counselor and participate in pet grief support groups. In addition, there are many wonderful books and internet web sites which offer invaluable information on the subject of pet loss, pet death and grief.

Many of us experience profound sadness and loss when our pet dies. We love them and accept them as family member, and once they are gone, the pain of their absence, the void they leave in our lives are immeasurable. We mourn their loss and wish to honor, celebrate and memorialize their lives as we would do with anyone we dearly love. It is becoming increasingly popular to arrange for the death of our pets - we may purchase a burial plot, casket and headstone; we bring flowers to their gravesite; we hold funerals and even candle light vigils for our pets.

In a world full of chaos and confusion , isolation and loneliness, our animal companions bring love to our hearts and joy to our lives. They link us with the world of nature and help us to find peace. It is not surprising that they have become such a vital and integral part of our lives and that we seek to reciprocate and repay their loyalty, beauty, nobility, forgiveness and unconditional love by indulging them during life and honoring and memorializing them upon their death.

Grieving The Loss Of A Loved Animal Companion
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DIANE POMERANCE received her Ph.D. in Communications in 1979 from the University of Michigan, and has written the highly acclaimed children's nonfiction book on pet loss, "When Your Pet Dies" which teaches children how to cope with and recover from the loss of a beloved companion animal as well as those inevitable losses in life. She is also the author of "Animal Companions: Your Friends, Teachers & Guides", "Animal Companions: In Our Hearts, Our Lives & Our World.", Animal Elders: Caring About Our Aging Animal Companions", "Finding Peace After the Loss of a Loved Animal Companion", and her most recent book "Pet Parenthood: Adopting the Right Animal Companion for You." Dr. Pomerance counsels those mourning the loss of a beloved companion animal. As a writer, teacher, counselor and animal lover, she recognizes that the loss of a pet can be devastating to adults as well as children.

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Sunday, January 20, 2013

Bereavement - How to Cope With Grief, Bereavement, Death and Loss

The death of a loved one is a profound source of grief and help for bereavement is often necessary to help you through the ordeal. You may need support long after the funeral because you cannot guide your emotions away from the intense grief. Coping with loss is difficult but you can work through the pain and move on with your life.

Letting Go of Guilt

You may feel guilty for wanting to be happy again even if it is on a subconscious level. The lost loved one was such an important part of your life that the loss is unthinkable even though it may have happened a while ago. One of the steps to recovery is to let go of your guilt.

Bereavement - How to Cope With Grief, Bereavement, Death and Loss

Your loved one would not want you to continue in anguish but you have a hard time letting go of the grief. You have reason for that. The grief is the only thing you feel you have left of that person. However, you can change your focus to see that you have your memories as well.

Celebrating a Life

Life is precious and you can celebrate the time you shared with that special person. Even a brief bout of happy years together is a wonderful gift that many people never have. Each relationship you foster is precious and each should be celebrated with joy, even ones that are no longer here.

Recognizing What You Have

When you are in help for bereavement, you are prompted to focus on the relationships you have now instead of focusing on your loss. You also have a relationship with memories that can be fostered and shared rather than used as a source of wallowing.

Those close to you want to support you as you make your way back to the path of happiness. You can focus on your life and the impact you have on those around you. This inspiring motivation can help you work through your grief.

Embracing the Grieving Process

Help for bereavement begins with the grieving process. The process consists of stages including denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. You must go through the stages in order to heal. This is a painful process but it helps you overcome your bereavement over time.

Self-hypnosis offers the support you need in order to pass through the stages of grief. This ensures that you complete the process. The hypnosis helps you get through the denial and anger through your subconscious mind. You can work through the unrealistic bargaining stage and depression to make your way to accept the loss.

Losing someone you love is an aspect of life you never want to face. If you are drowning in grief, self-hypnosis can help you work through the grieving process to achieve acceptance and peace. Help with bereavement is available in your subconscious mind.

Bereavement - How to Cope With Grief, Bereavement, Death and Loss
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J. Seymour is a writer with Self Help Recordings. An excellent self hypnosis recording for bereavement can be found by clicking on - this Site. 'Loss of A Loved One' is a recording by Duncan McColl, based on his decades of experience in powerful and classical clinical therapy. A huge range of self hypnosis recordings can be seen at Self Help Recordings and you can find out more about these by clicking here - Read for info. All of these recordings carry a sixty day guarantee, so to find out more simply click on the links.

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Wednesday, January 16, 2013

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Monday, January 14, 2013

7 Rules For Managing Grief and Loss

Grief and loss are inherent parts of life. No one gets off scott free from facing the emotional and physical pain of accepting the death of a loved one. Yet, all too frequently, we maximize our pain out of a lack of insight into the reality of major change and the common problems of adapting to life without the beloved.

Here are seven rules that will help in the challenge to deal with the inevitable changes to be faced and re-orienting to a new and different life.

1. Never allow thoughts to turn into actions without your full consent. Negative thoughts pervade most loss experiences. We tend to look back at what we lose and ahead to all the real and imaginary obstacles that have to be faced. This occurs in an atmosphere of fear and confusion which maximizes our concerns. Then a universal law takes effect: what we focus on expands. In this case, fear grows and the obstacles appear insurmountable. There is nothing wrong with being scared in facing the new and here is how you can deal with it.

7 Rules For Managing Grief and Loss

Full consent always implies deliberation. Deliberation means reasoned dialogue and thinking. Frequently, get with those you trust to share all concerns and ask for feedback on your thoughts. Let the fear, guilt, or loneliness out. Not easy to do, but the results will be essential in making the right choices and defusing limiting beliefs and fears. Doing the right thing will take courage that you can muster with help from friends. Use them with humility.

2. Be open to new ideas, assumptions, and beliefs. Loss challenges our beliefs about life and death. Grief is a time when reevaluating the way we were taught that life is, usually has to be challenged. There is more to its mystery than our little version. For most, there is a lot to learn, especially in how to accept impermanence.

Big, life-changing events often cause us to examine our values and put things in perspective. Revising beliefs will also bring new meaning to loss and an easier reinvestment in life. In reality, loss is a great teacher of the importance of relationships, humility, and gratitude.

3. Allow failure to be viewed as a normal part of coping well. Accepting failure as a tool for learning always spawns success. Having been utilized for centuries, it is just as true for coping with loss as it has been with some of the greatest inventions.

Be aware that we are programmed early in life to expect immediate success or to feel we are not up to the task. Examining where we make mistakes, and taking action to rectify them, is the road to follow. See failure when grieving as a friend, as part of your education about loss and life.

4. Start reconnecting as soon as possible. Loss and the emotions that accompany it are strong forces of isolation. Isolation especially hinders your ability to adapt and accept the new conditions of existence. Everyone needs a variety of connections; they are surefire lifelines. Do this: strengthen connections to your faith, friends, work, and mission because it is critical to reinvesting in life and developing new routines.

New routines are an absolute must due to the absence of our loved one. Make these new routines into new habits, which is an important key to coping well.

5. Cultivate solitude on a regular basis. Take time out each day just for yourself. This is just as important as building your circle of interpersonal relationships. It is a positive state time leading to comfort, enhanced spirituality, and creative coping with your great loss.

Find a place where you enjoy being alone, a particular room in your home, an area in a park, at the beach, or some other natural setting. Give yourself permission to take a cry break or listen to soothing music. Take a walk by yourself. Meditate. Meditation will reduce your stress and raise your energy level. Give yourself a pep talk. Do what is best for you.

6. Trust your inner knowing. This resource is seldom consciously used. So listen to what your intuition and your body tell you about the choices to be made and the direction to travel. You have wisdom within, if you will take the time to be honest with yourself and listen. Then make yourself take that first difficult step in tackling whatever problem you have to face that day.

When discouraging thoughts start to build take action to stop the downward spiral by asking yourself "What do I need to do right now?" Listen to what comes up from your intuitive treasure, trust it, and reverse your direction. Keep repeating this new action.

7. Make the "D" word the cornerstone of your new life. Determination is a commitment you can make. Talk to yourself and say that you are going to prevail in this difficult adaptation. Write specific inspiring phrases on a 3 by 5 card that you can whip out and read when you start feeling the blues.

Then combine your self-coaching with getting up and moving into another room or going outside when things seem unmanageable. Consider calling a best friend or develop a method (create any affirmation) to interrupt the pattern of thoughts causing discouragement. With conscious determination you can redirect emotion.

All of the above can be worked on, one rule at a time. Remember what was said earlier: what you focus on expands. This not only holds true for fear and negative thoughts. It is just as powerful for visualizing yourself meeting and successfully negotiating a particular problem. It holds true for focusing on a positive memory or a gratitude memory. Those positive events will expand in importance and assist your transition.

7 Rules For Managing Grief and Loss
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Dr. LaGrand is a grief counselor and the author of eight books, the most recent, the popular Love Lives On: Learning from the Extraordinary Encounters of the Bereaved. He is known world-wide for his research on the Extraordinary Experiences of the bereaved (after-death communication phenomena) and is one of the founders of Hospice of the St. Lawrence Valley, Inc. His free monthly ezine website is http://www.extraordinarygriefexperiences.com

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