Sympathy Words - A Few Ideas For Comforting Others

Nearly everybody has, at some time or another, experienced the loss of a loved one. Many have also been in the position to comfort a friend at the loss of someone dear to them. In either case, sympathy words are exchanged. The perennial problem is, of course, that in times of grief, it may be difficult to find the right words. It may in fact be difficult to physically say them at all. However, it's important to express your sympathy to your friend or loved one.

What Words of Sympathy to Say

Grief Loss

Here is something to think about: If you had just lost one of your parents or a sibling, what would you find comforting? How well you know someone is a good litmus test of what you should say and how you should say it. When finding sympathy words, always remember to whom you are speaking. If that person is a very private individual, he or she may prefer to be left alone for the most part. In that case, knowing when the appropriate time to approach is essential to successfully providing comforting sympathy words to the grieving person.

Sympathy Words - A Few Ideas For Comforting Others

Choosing your words when you are called on to comfort someone in grief is more complicated than just trying to make them feel better. You want them to know that you can empathize with their pain. The difficult part in all of that is knowing that they will have heard sympathy words from perhaps a hundred other people as well, so what can you say that will truly give them peace and closure? Look to samples of sympathy words online for inspiration. Obituaries Help.org, has words of sympathy samples in cards, letters, sayings and quotes. Read some examples before you sit down to write your own words of sympathy.

A Short List of Sympathy Words

The following is a short list of sympathy words you can say to someone to bring him or her comfort.
You are always in my prayers He/She would be very happy to know that you loved him/her so much Always remember that you have friends and we are here for you, so if there is anything you need, please don't hesitate to ask. You can find peace in the good memories that you have I know this is hard, but you can make it through

These are just a few things that people have found to be helpful over the years. They are effective mainly because the speaker empathizes with the bereaved. That is the main thing, and it cannot be overstated. Your sympathy words should show that you empathize with the kind of pain they are experiencing, and that you can help them through it.

Sympathy Phrases to Avoid

Saying "I know how you feel" to someone who has lost a loved one is not the best way to show your sympathy. Words like that can sometimes hurt more than they help because no one can truly know what another person is feeling about anything, especially the death of someone dear. ObituariesHelp.org also has lists of Phrases to Avoid for sympathy sayings or words of sympathy.

Also, avoid being at all insincere. Again, remember that this person will most likely have heard sympathy words from many other people over a few days, so the last thing they want to hear is condolences that are not heartfelt. Don't offer your help if you can't or won't actually help.

Actions Speak Louder than Words

Sometimes, offering sympathy words can involve no words at all. Making a meal for someone when you know they don't feel like cooking for themselves can be a great help. Simply offering a hug is often a very comforting gesture. Day to day tasks may be hard for the bereaved to complete. Doing their dishes, mowing the lawn, taking the kids to school or other activities are all ways to show you care and are simple sympathy gestures that mean so much.

The grieving process is different for everybody, but the one immutable truth behind everybody's experience is that the right words or gestures can go a long way towards easing the pain of this difficult transition in their lives.

Sympathy Words - A Few Ideas For Comforting Others

Melanie Walters recommends ObituariesHelp.org for Free Sympathy Words and Sayings examples, genealogy resources, guides to building a family tree, written examples of eulogies as well as help with funeral planning.

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Condolence Messages For Sympathy Cards and Bereavement Cards

Condolence Messages

Bereavement cards may seem like a small effort in light of the terrible loss suffered by recipients. However, the sincere bereavement sympathy wordings you'll find on these condolence messages is often exactly what the person needs to let them know people do care about their loss and are there to support them during a horrible time in their lives. While there are a few other things you can do as well, such as sending flowers, sending these cards is the best place to start.

Grief Loss

Tips on Sympathy Card Messages

Condolence Messages For Sympathy Cards and Bereavement Cards

First, you'll want to remember that your message does not need be very long. Hopefully, the family will be receiving many such card sympathy and may not have the energy to read a lengthy message. Plus, the more you end up writing the better the risk of saying something which might be hurtful, even if it's only an accidental slip. For example, some writers of condolence sympathy thank you cards have mistakenly written "Time heals all wounds" as a way of trying to perk up the grieving person but the reaction is usually the opposite.

A good idea is to stick with a few basic messages. Make sure you add phrases to your sympathy cards such as "With deepest sympathy" or "You're in our prayers." It's also nice to mention some fond memories you have of the deceased person. Always refer to the deceased by name even if you did not know him or her very well.

Other Tips for printed Sympathy Cards

If you knew the deceased person very well, it's completely fine to write a bit more and mention how much the person meant to you. Briefly mentioning a special memory or anecdote might be a nice touch, too. Make sure you sign the message with your full name so the recipient will know specifically who sent the message. If the bereavement card is coming from your entire family, make sure to include "and Family" after your signature.

When you send custom condolence messages, it's perfectly fine to express a willingness to do something kind for the bereaved person. Don't make an open ended offer. The person may need your assistance but may not even realize what needs to be done because of his or her grief. Plus, by making a more specific offer of assistance you won't have to worry about being asked to do anything you weren't willing to do in the first place.

If you've also sent flowers to the funeral, you don't need to mention this in the Christian sympathy cards or funeral cards. Also, you don't want to assume that the flowers themselves are a substitute for condolence cards. Most grieving families do not have a chance to read all of the cards included with the flowers so they may not know immediately who sent them. The loss sympathy cards are a good way of letting them know early on how that you are there for them during this time.

Attending the funeral does not mean you can't also send condolence messages. In fact, doing both is always a good and much appreciated idea.

Condolence Messages For Sympathy Cards and Bereavement Cards

Sarah Porter has written several articles about Writing Sympathy Cards, When to Send Bereavement Cards, Custom Condolence Cards, How to Write Bereavement Cards, Affordable Death Announcements, Free Funeral Cards, Popular Sympathy Thank You Cards, Unique Bereavement Sympathy Wordings, and lots more for CardsShoppe and Express-Invitations.

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Solution - Focused Therapy

Most types of psychotherapy involve exploring feelings, being validated, finding explanations, exploring wishes and dreams, setting goals, and gaining more clarity. Every therapist has unique ways of working with clients, based on his or her personality, training, and views of how people change.

A solution-focused therapist is likely to do the following:

Grief Loss

1. Instead of going over past events and focusing on problems, the therapist helps you envision your future without today's problems.

Solution - Focused Therapy

2. During the course of therapy (often as few as 3 to 6 sessions), the therapist helps you discover solutions.

3. The therapist encourages you to identify and do more of what is already working.

4. The therapist guides you to identify what doesn't work and to focus on doing less of it.

5. The emphasis is on the future, not the past.

6. SFBT therapists believe that the client is the best expert about what it takes to change his or her life.

7. The therapist's role is to help you identify solutions that will remove the barriers to having the life you want.

Solution-Focused Brief Therapy (SFBT) is a process that helps people change by constructing solutions rather than dwelling on problems. This type of therapy tends to be shorter-term than traditional psychotherapy. Steve de Shazer and Insoo Kim Berg of the Brief Family Therapy Center in Milwaukee are the originators of this form of therapy.

The SFBT therapist helps the client identify elements of the desired solution, which are usually already present in the client's life. The client learns to build on these elements, which form the basis for ongoing change. Rather than searching for the causes of the problem, the focus is on defining the changes and making them a reality. The two key therapeutic issues are: (1) how the client wants his or her life to be different, and (2) what it will take to make it happen.

Creating a detailed picture of what it will be like when life is better creates a feeling of hope, and this makes the solution seem possible. The therapist helps the client focus on the future and how it will be better when things change. It is important to develop a set of specific, detailed goals. These goals drive the therapy process and keep it focused and efficient.

Why SFBT Is Usually Short-Term

SFBT therapists don't set out to artificially limit the number of sessions. A good brief therapist will not focus on limiting sessions or time, but rather on helping clients set goals and develop strategies to reach those goals. Focusing on the client's goals and the concrete steps needed to achieve them usually takes less time than traditional therapy, in which the client typically spends many sessions talking about the past and explores reasons and feelings. SFBT therapists aim to provide clients with the most effective treatment in the most efficient way possible so that clients can achieve their goals and get on with their lives. As a result of this focus, the counseling process often requires as few as six sessions.

Types of Problems That SFBT Addresses

Solution-Focused Brief Therapy is an effective way of helping people solve many kinds of problems, including depression, substance abuse, eating disorders, relationship problems, and many other kinds of issues. Since it focuses on the process of change rather than on dissecting the problem, more serious issues do not necessarily require different treatment. The SFBT therapist's job is to help clients transform troubling issues into specific goals and an action plan for achieving them.

In The Miracle Method, authors Scott D. Miller and Insoo Kim Berg describe how to create solutions with these steps:

1. State your desire for something in your life to be different.

2. Envision that a miracle happens and your life is different.

3. Make sure the miracle is important to you.

4. Keep the miracle small.

5. Define the change with language that is positive, specific, concrete, and behavioral.

6. State how you will start your journey rather than how you will end it.

7. Be clear about who, where, and when, but not why.

Signs That You Should Consider Seeing a Therapist

There are several ways to know when you would be doing yourself a favor by finding a licensed, professional therapist to work with.

1. You've tried several things on your own, but you still have the problem.

2. You want to find a solution sooner rather than later.

3. You have thoughts of harming yourself or others.

4. You have symptoms of depression, anxiety, or another disorder that significantly interfere with your daily functioning and the quality of your life. For example, you have lost time from work, your relationships have been harmed, or your health is suffering. These are signs that you need the help of a trained, licensed professional.

Solution - Focused Therapy

Garrett Coan, MSW, LCSW is Founder and Director of the Center for Creative Counseling, a team of expert and licensed therapists and coaches providing phone and internet counseling services to clients throughout the United States and worldwide. To arrange a no-obligation, complimentary consultation, call 1-877-958-4769 or visit them on the Web at http://www.creativecounselors.com

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If Today Was Your Last Day

It is only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth -- and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up -- that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had. ~Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

We all have just one life to live. We do not know how long we will be here, but it will not be forever. I think that makes time even more valuable. How we spend it matters. I love the song If Today Was Your Last Day by Nickelback that encourages us to appreciate each day as a gift and to consider what choices we would make today if tomorrow were too late.

Grief Loss

My dad loved life. I recall how grateful he was for the simplest things. He had an extremely poor upbringing and difficult life. From a very young age he struggled to survive and went to bed often without having eaten any food. He came to America in the 50s in search of a better life and he soon found it. For some time, he had it all-a beautiful wife, children, successful businesses, a nice home-more than he could have ever imagined. He was very happy and blessed. My dad always had a passion and gratitude for life and an ability to live one day at a time with complete faith and trust that tomorrow would be a better day. But life took a negative turn when he and my mother divorced, and he began to make some poor choices. Yet even then, he was thankful for each day and tried to make the best of it.

If Today Was Your Last Day

What especially inspired me about my dad is that he not only lived each day fully, but he did not want to leave this earth without making peace with my mother. The day he asked her to forgive him, he was made free and so was she. He made an important decision to make peace, to apologize and ask for forgiveness. Actually, he begged her for forgiveness. That day he decided that he was going to say what he needed to say before it was too late. A week later he passed away.

There is nothing more unsettling as having regret over words left unspoken or deeds left undone. Did you ever wish you faced the fear and took the risk? Did you ever wish you told someone you loved them? Asked for forgiveness? How about letting go of the past or the anger that robbed your peace of mind and ability to live fully? Or how about taking the chances you had to help and change someone's life for the better? I especially like this line in the song: Every second counts 'cause there's no second try. So live like you'll never live it twice. As long as you are still here, it is not too late to make good choices and live each day fully.

If today was your last day, what would you do? Are there words you have left unsaid? Do you want to tell someone that he or she is important to you? Is there someone you would call, someone who needs to hear you love him/her? Is there someone you would release and forgive? Can someone's life be changed because you can make a positive difference? Do you have something you can give that can help someone in need? If your answer is yes to any of the above, I encourage you to do it now. Tomorrow may be too late. Time does not wait for us. Let us seize our opportunities while we still have them. Let us say what is in our hearts and do what we know we ought to do. Our decisions today can impact eternity for ourselves and for others.

Somebody should tell us, right at the start of our lives, that we are dying. Then we might live life to the limit, every minute of every day. Do it I say!! Whatever you want to do, do it now! There are only so many tomorrows. ~Pope Paul VI

The question is not whether we will die, but how we live. ~Joan Borysenko

Copyright © 2010 Krystal Kuehn, New Day Counseling Center. All Rights Reserved.

If Today Was Your Last Day

Krystal Kuehn, MA, LPC, LLP, NCC is a psychotherapist, author, teacher & musician. She is the cofounder of New Day Counseling, a couples counseling and child therapy center, BeHappy4Life, an award-winning, self-help and inspirational site where you can find hundreds of free resources, insights & inspiration, and Baby-Poems, where you can find beautiful baby poems, baby quotes, cute sayings & baby videos that will touch your heart & increase your joy & gratitude for the children you love & enjoy! Krystal's is also the author of has several inspiring blogs: Words of Inspiration, Give Thanks Journal, Baby Poems & Be Your Best blog.

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A Funeral Poem For A Grieving Heart

Reading a funeral poem is a good idea when suffering a loss recently. It provides words that you may not be able to express on your own. Often reading will bring soothing feelings of calmness. Sometimes, its better than drinking a glass of wine or even taking medication! But remember, it depends on you and what you need emotionally. Even if you are taking or drinking that, you can still read a poem to renew your mind that there is hope after a death. Never give up hope, you can also join a support group. At some of these groups, you will get a whole list of poems to read. There will also be other families and individuals who are in a similar emotional state as you. You could even find friendships there as you learn to share with others that walk on the same journey as your in now.

When a family is in a bereavement state from losing a loved one, its customary to view and read bereavement poems or also called in loving memory poems. These are poetry that helps people with the grieving process and can lift their spirits to a happier place. Psychologist use them often to assist in the therapy of those who are mourning. It can be very therapeutic and soothing to hear the rhythmic words of a poem. You can purchase books on specific types of poetry or you can comb the web for them. It's harder to search online because you have to filter out many other types of poetry and it may take you hours or days to get it done. Whereas a book contains all of the preselected ones that will provide comfort immediately. So although you have to pay for it, its an instant read and there is no work on your part by to immerse yourself in the book.

Grief Loss

Memorial poems are a favorite for families to include. There are many to choose from at that website and is presented in an orderly format. There are brochures, graduated fold programs, funeral cards, prayer cards, memorial guest books, funeral bookmarks and large tabloid style booklets. Creating them on your own is simple and will give you some self satisfaction. Remember you can provide a reading with poems, scripture, and other written documents that would be appropriate for a funeral or memorial service. It's not as difficult as it may appear.

A Funeral Poem For A Grieving Heart

A Funeral Poem For A Grieving Heart

The Funeral Program Site has a wonderful selection of free funeral poems and funeral resources. There is also a beautiful selection of templates for funeral programs, funeral prayer cards, thank you cards, memorial bookmarks, funeral songs and booklets.

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Poems at a Funeral - Poems For the Loss of a Loved One

Reading poems at a funeral can provide comfort to those who are suffering from the the loss of a loved one. Poets have the gift of being able to use words to give expression to the most sublime sentiments of the heart, and many of the most famous poets in history have used their talents to write about death and dying. Some poems about death can be dark, with emphasis on the misery of the dying and the grief of mourners. Others, however, express empathy for those who suffer while offering the comfort and inspiration that flows from the hope of a life after death.

There is certainly an element of subjectivity when evaluating poetry, and the effects of poems can vary significantly depending on the individuals who read or hear them. There are, however, some famous poems that seem particularly suitable for reading at funerals and for any stage of grief after the loss of a loved one.

Grief Loss

One of the poems that I happily recommend is "The Dying Christian To His Soul" by Alexander Pope. This poem approaches death from the perspective of the dying person, and is short enough to be comfortably read within a funeral service. It begins with the description of a conflict that exists within the dying person. The physical body is collapsing while the immortal soul within is seeking to continue expressing life. The dying person suffers uncertainty about what is happening in this new experience. As the senses of sight and hearing ebb away, the portal to heaven opens and a new version of life is discovered. The poem concludes with the immortal soul of the deceased making a triumphant, almost mocking proclamation of victory over death.

Poems at a Funeral - Poems For the Loss of a Loved One

Another poem that can offer comfort to those who have lost a loved one is "The Reaper And The Flowers" by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow. Death is described as a Reaper who gathers flowers from the earth. The Reaper is not vengeful or vindictive, and does not come for destruction. Rather, he is an angel who is commissioned to gather tokens from the earth where the Lord of Paradise was once a child. The work of the Reaper is gentle, and he stoops and kisses the leaves of the flowers before tenderly gathering them, not for disposal, but to be transplanted in a heavenly field. This poem offers the beautiful message that there is meaning, value, and purpose in our deaths.

Although the poems previously mentioned are my personal favorites for times of mourning, "No Coward Soul Is Mine" by Emily Bronte deserves honorable mention for bringing our attention to immortality. It is a poem that offers comfort by its emphasis on eternal life.

If misery does love company, sometimes people who are deeply grieving may find comfort in poetry that focuses entirely on the pain of confronting death. "O Death, Rock Me Asleep" by Anne Boleyn describes the despair and anxiety of a prisoner awaiting execution. In "Bereavement" Percy Bysshe Shelly offers empathy with those who mourn while trusting in the eventual happiness of the afterlife.

Poems at a Funeral - Poems For the Loss of a Loved One

These poems are just a sample from the rich collection of work on death and dying that has been compiled throughout history. Visit http://www.usfreeads.com/2218593-cls.html for a comprehensive collection of the best 250 poems, readings, and quotes about death that are sure to assist you in finding an appropriate addition to a funeral service.

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Inspirational Grieving Quotes - Using Inspirational Grieving Quotes to Deal With Loss

Everyone at some point in their lives will deal with the death of a loved one, be it a family member, lover, friend, or pet. Using inspirational grieving quotes in art and art journaling is a healthy way to work through the grief and loss of a loved one.

When someone dies that you love dearly, there are so many stages of grieving you must go through. I don't think anyone really understands how complex grieving a death is. Death is not something that is talked about much in the U.S. culture. In movies it is usually depicted as something that doesn't really affect us emotionally, or something that the deceased one can come back from.

Grief Loss

Inspirational grieving quotes can and do help lots of people move through the grieving process, especially if they are combined with journaling and/or artwork creation. Below I've provided a couple of art ideas that you can use with inspirational grieving quotes.

Inspirational Grieving Quotes - Using Inspirational Grieving Quotes to Deal With Loss

But first, here are my top ten favorite quotes on death:

"For what is it to die, But to stand in the sun and melt into the wind? And when the Earth has claimed our limbs, Then we shall truly dance." - Kahlil Gibran " Death is the most beautiful adventure in life." - Charles Frohman "Life is eternal and love is immortal; And death is only a horizon, And a horizon is nothing save the limit of our sight." - Rossiter W. Raymond "The mystery of love is greater than the mystery of death." - Unknown "Death is not extinguishing the light; it is putting out the lamp because dawn has come." - Rabindranath Tagore "Our earthly loss is always a heavenly gain." - Antonio Talbert "Perhaps they are not stars, but openings in the Heaven, Where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us, To let us know they are happy." - Author Unknown "Death is not the end. Death can never be the end. Death is the road. Life is the traveller. The Soul is the Guide." - Sri Chinmoy "I think of death as some delightful journey that I shall take when all my tasks are done." - Ella Wheeler Wilcox "Death--- the last sleep? No the final awakening." - Walter Scott
Art Ideas For Use With Inspirational Grieving Quotes:

Letters to Heaven Mail Box

It doesn't need to be "Heaven", it can be The Universe, The After Life, etc. Find a shoe box (or other type of box) and decorate it in a way that you think a "mail box in heaven" would look like. Use your imagination. Write letters, create drawings, or write out quotes and poems to your loved one. Put your letters and drawings in envelopes and address them to departed one. Or find inspirational grieving quotes that move you and write them on postcards (these can be homemade). Put your letters and postcards in the mail box and visualize then being picked up by an angel or spirit and delivered directly to the addressee. Imagine how happy they will be to receive your letters.

Using Grieving Quotes in Art Journaling

Find a quote that really say what you're feeling. Print or write them out in big letters on pretty paper and cut them up into individual words. Next look for images in magazines or draw your own images. Paste the images onto a piece of paper or into a journaling book. Place the words that form the quote on the page. Move them around until you like the way they look on the page, but still keeping them in a reading order. Glue them onto the page. If you're using a journal, consider naming this journal as a "grieving journal or naming it after your loved one. If its on a piece of paper, decorate a large envlope or box to keep all of your grieving artwork in.

It doesn't matter if you don't believe they will ever see or read these inspirational grieving quotes or your artwork. What is important is doing these things will help you move thro your feelings and help you move through the grieving process.

Inspirational Grieving Quotes - Using Inspirational Grieving Quotes to Deal With Loss

You don't have to deal with the grief by yourself. There are many other quotes on death and grieving and many creative projects to help you deal with the lose of a loved one. You can find lots more help at the Self Help Healing Arts Journal: a free website that teaches people how to use art as a healing tool. To see more inspirational grieving quotes click here.

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