Death of a Parent - Common Questions Answered

The death of a parent, mother or father, is a major psychological moment in everyone lives. This is true of almost everyone. Here we consider some questions that are commonly asked by people who have been bereaved and try to give some helpful answers.

I have not been close to my parent for years. Why do I feel so bereft now they have died?

Grief Loss

Whether or not you are close to your parent as an adult, the loss of someone you have known all your lives will be a seminal moment. You will probably have been brought up by them in your childhood. Even if you did not get on with them then, they would have had a role in giving you some security and protection. Accept that they were part of your life, even distantly, and try to come to terms with this.

Death of a Parent - Common Questions Answered

I do wish that I had talked to my parents about some things? How can I stop thinking about this?

In life, we often regret things we have said or not said. Sometimes things are spoken in anger. Sometimes we think about things which we did not say and kept to ourselves. When we lose someone we love, it is often easy to think about specific moments of raw emotion. Grief is, after all, a raw emotion itself. Try to think about the whole context of your parents life. Consider the good memories, the times you did talk things through, and remember their life as a whole.

I always fight with my siblings. I am dreading seeing them at the funeral. What can I do?

Remember that this is a time full of trauma and change for everyone. Different people will grieve in different ways. Focus on the funeral as a way of mourning one who lost, not a gathering where old fights rise up again. In the coming months and years there will be opportunities for self-awareness and understanding in your own life. Focus on this.

I always felt held back by my parents. Now I just feel frightened. Why?

Sometimes a child - even as an adult - may feel constrained by a parent for all sorts of reasons. The change - any change - can be frightening. As you come to terms with your mourning, you will realise that your life has changed as a consequence of this death. Part of the process of mourning is coming to terms with that and learning how to live with the new you. Be brave and find ways to re-discover yourself.

Now I just find myself thinking about my own death all the time? Should I be worried?

After we suffer the loss of someone close to us, it is entirely natural that we should also suffer anxiety about our own death. The death of a parent is a generational change and inevitably makes us consider our own mortality. These thoughts come to us at a difficult time and we need to face them. If necessary look to others for help and support.

Death of a Parent - Common Questions Answered

Dr Emilie Warren has wide experience of helping people cope with grief and bereavement as well as understanding their own fears around death and dying. She is an accomplished writer on the subject, hosting her own website, Dealing with Death. She has a Master's degree and a PhD from Cambridge University in England. She is also an ordained Christian minister. As well as her work with the human soul and spirit, she has a wide range of knowledge across secular psychological arenas. Worries and questions about the death of a parent are commonplace and she provides advice on this.

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