What Do I Say When Someone Dies?

We've all been there, you've just heard the news that your friend has lost a loved one close to them, but what do you say?

Here's a few tips to avoid the common mistakes that people make when friends are grieving.

Grief Loss

Say Something! - some people are so worried about saying the wrong thing that they say nothing at all - this is even worse than saying something that you feel isn't helpful. Offer To Help - it doesn't have to be much - just taking round a meal to someone who's grieving can help. It shows that you care and helps them to feel cared for and supported. Send A Card - even if you know they've received dozens or hundreds of cards, it's important to send one. It shows that you are thinking of them and lets them know that you've heard their news. Keep In Touch - what's even worse than losing a loved one is when all the people you thought were your friends are too embarrassed or awkward to keep in contact. Make regular phone calls (put it in the diary if need be) or invite them round for a meal from time to time. Offer Practical Help - it might be something as simple as mowing the lawn, driving to the shops - but it can help to take the sting out of those "firsts" that you have to do without your loved one. Remember Holidays & Occasions - these can be really tough. Whether it's Christmas, birthdays or anniversaries (including the anniversary of their death), people who have been seemingly strong can crumble as they have to face their loss all over again. and finally, Listen! - it may not be rational, sensible or coherent - but listening with a sympathetic ear (without offering suggestions or answers!) to someone who is on an emotional rollercoaster can be helpful. It can help move them on through the difficult process of grieving and is a sign of true friendship.

What Do I Say When Someone Dies?

Mother Theresa captured it well when she said "Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the worst poverty of all". She described it as the leprosy of the West.

Simply by bucking the trend, stepping out of our comfort zones and choosing to be there with our friend through their grief you can make a significant difference.

What Do I Say When Someone Dies?

Jen Carter runs the Special Moments site which offers information on funerals & planning. You can find 50 best-loved funeral poems and readings [http://www.specialmomentshome.com/funeral/funeral-poems.html] at her website. You can find more funeral and memorial poems at Poem4Today.

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