Sympathy Thank You - Etiquette and Ready to Copy Sample Letters of Sympathy

At such a difficult time in your life writing sympathy thank you notes can seem overwhelming. Who gets a note? What do you write? How long do you have to write letters of sympathy?

Firstly, it is no longer considered a "must" to send thank you notes after a funeral. Modern etiquette allows for much leeway during the grieving process, and it is a major breach in etiquette for someone to expect or be offended by a lack of a thank you card or note from the grief-stricken.

However, you may find that the task itself can be quite comforting. Any member of the family can send notes on the entire family's behalf or you can invite a friend or family member to come over to help you. Your funeral director can provide you with thank you cards or you can write notes on your personal stationery.

Sympathy Thank You - Etiquette and Ready to Copy Sample Letters of Sympathy

The process of writing the notes of thanks can help you remember the kindness of friends and provide you with an opportunity to remember your loved one.

If you opt to send a sympathy thank you, according to more traditional standards, the letters of sympathy are ideally sent within two weeks of services to the following people (however, even Emily post says there is no time limit):

o Pallbearers

o Clergy

o Friends and loved ones who provided services such as babysitting, food, or driving in the funeral procession

o Anyone who sent flowers, donations, long hand-written letters of condolence, photos or gifts

A thank you note is not necessary (but can be sent) for short cards of condolence or for attendance of services .

Sample Letters of Sympathy

It is okay to keep your note brief. One or two sentences are fine. Here are a few general samples:

Sympathy Thank You Sample #1

Dear Joanne,

Thank you for sending such beautiful flowers. (or insert other instance such as help baby-sitting, lovely photo or video of cherished loved one, driving in the funeral procession, etc.) Your generosity and support during this difficult time is greatly appreciated. Thanks again.

Sincerely,

Christine Murphy & Family

Sample Letter #2

Thank you for the lovely flowers and attending the services. Although this is a sad time for all of us, I find comfort in knowing how fortunate, Robert and I have been to know you.

Remember to be very kind to yourself and take as much time as you need.

Sympathy Thank You - Etiquette and Ready to Copy Sample Letters of Sympathy
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For more ready-to-copy sympathy thank you samples for pallbearers, close friends, and donations and other letters of sympathy visit: My Thank You Site Sympathy Page. Christy Murphy is the creator of http://www.my-thank-you-site.com/ which provides free, ready-to-copy sample thank you notes for all occasions, including funerals, baby showers, along with other practical tools to demonstrate and attract gratitude in every day life. She is a writer, public speaker, and comedian, who has been featured on numerous television shows including CNN's Showbiz Today, Australia's Seven News, and CBS News in the U.S. Thank you for reading her bio.

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How to Cope with Anticipatory Grief

Anticipatory grief is the name given to the mix of emotions experienced when we are living in expectation of loss and grieving because of it. Anticipatory Grief is particularly relevant to those who have received a terminal diagnosis and for those who love and care for them.

Terminal diagnosis changes the very structure of our existence, takes away our control and our ability to hope and plan for the future. When someone we love is given a terminal illness, we become painfully aware of the fragility of life and may even fear for our own mortality.

Living in expectation of death, causes us to experience many of the symptoms and emotions of the grief suffered when a loved one has actually died, including; shock, anger, denial, physical and emotional pain, helplessness and sorrow. Depression is common and changes in eating, sleeping and bowel habits may also occur.

How to Cope with Anticipatory Grief

Prognosis increases our turmoil; it is inevitable that we begin counting down the days to the estimated time of demise and see the dawn of each day as bringing us closer to it. Some may feel a sense of surrealness and an inability to fit back into the pattern of life prior to diagnosis, this often intensified by the reaction of friends and acquaintances, who may be dealing with their own shock and dismay at the news and not knowing what to do or say, avoid us.

It may be some time before we can truly accept that our loved one is dying and during this time we may experience alternate periods of acceptance and denial. Often, necessity brings about acceptance for the Carer as they need to make decisions regarding the best options available for the care of their loved ones. The patient however, may choose not to accept the prognosis and it is important for the carer to recognise and support their need to live in hope of a cure. Hope, is paramount to quality of life for their loved one and may even contribute to their longer survival.

Whether our grief is anticipatory or grief due to the death of a loved one, there is a very real need to talk to someone about the roller coaster of emotions we are experiencing. This however is not always easy to do, due to a number of reasons which may include; trying to remain strong for the patient, trying to remain strong for the children, trying to put on a brave face for other family members and friends.

Counseling, though readily available, is resisted by many, who believe that no one could possibly understand what they are feeling, nor do anything about the outcome.

Speaking from my own experience of anticipatory grief due my husband's terminal illness, I initially had these feelings and it was with some trepidation that I went to my first counselling session. Upon hearing my story, the counsellor cried, further strengthening my opinion that she could not possibly help me. I was mistaken; after a few visits I began to see the benefit of these sessions and looked forward to seeing her each week. Here, for a short time at least, I could stop acting as if everything was okay - when nothing was okay, here I could take off my brave face and let my defenses down.

The only trouble with counseling is that it may not always be available when you need it. I highly recommend keeping a personal diary for these occasions. During the two years of my husbands terminal illness, my diary was without a doubt, my strongest coping tool, I wrote in it daily, often in the form of poetry, pouring my anger, my fear and my heartache on to the pages. Periodically, I would read back through it and through this I came to know myself very well - later I could see my strength coming through.

Excerpts and poems from my diary now form a major part of my book "Lean on Me" Cancer through a Carer's Eyes.

How to Cope with Anticipatory Grief
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Article written by: Lorraine Kember – Author of “Lean on Me” Cancer through a Carer’s Eyes. Lorraine’s book is written from her experience of caring for her dying husband in the hope of helping others. It includes insight and discussion on: Anticipatory Grief, Understanding and identifying pain, Pain Management and Symptom Control, Chemotherapy, Palliative Care, Quality of Life and Dying at home. It also features excerpts and poems from her personal diary. Highly recommended by the Cancer Council. “Lean on Me” is not available in bookstores - For detailed information, Doctor’s recommendations, Reviews, Book Excerpts and Ordering Facility - visit her website http://www.cancerthroughacarerseyes.jkwh.com

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Grief Stages With Loss of a Parent

No one is ever prepared, for that phone call, telling them to come home because Dad is being taken to the Hospital. For the last 18 years, anytime that my Dad was taken to the hospital I always caught up with him in ICU, which was my reality. With living two hours away, I called the hospital to find out how well he was doing. The nurse told me that the Doctors are working on him; she would see how everything was coming along. The nurse comes back and said "Hold please, as I transfer your call" anticipating speaking to a Doctor my call had been redirected unknowingly to the hospital Chaplin. Well, let me tell you this is one way to have you move through the grieving stages head on. The shock of having the Chaplin on the other end of the phone removes all possibility of denying the reality that my Dad was gone. The only words that came out of my mouth were "How long ago did he pass away?"

This is when the most challenging days come to life. Dealing with and not being able to avoid life with loss, loss of a parent, dealing with the death of a parent, life after loss. I found myself living in a fog. I was simply going through the motions as if I was on autopilot, living life day by day. I felt there was no support for the grief I was experiencing. The wave of emotions travelled from shock to numbness, from fear to panic, and from anger to resentment. Grief grieving is a personal process that has no time limit or right or wrong way of coping with death.

The dynamics that emerged from the family unit with the loss of a parent along with loss of a spouse can be overwhelming. Grieving children and a grieving spouse all feeling the loss and each one dealing with grief grieving by going through the grief stages in their own way. There are 7 stages of grief: the first is shock, denial, and isolation, the second is pain, guilt, and fear. The third and the forth of the grieving stages are anger and bargaining accompanied with depression, reflection and loneliness as the fifth. Sixth is the upward turn and reconstruction of and working through the stages of mourning followed lastly by acceptance.

Grief Stages With Loss of a Parent

I felt that I was on the outside look in, watching my Mom and my sisters. Emotions were running high, everyone's reactions varied. There was no denying that the shock and realization had set in. We all were experiencing not only one but many of the grieving stages at once. Mom and my sisters were crying, becoming angry, and feeling the effects of depression seeping in. I am not the type to cry but I found that I was feeling guilty that I had no tears for my father. I was deeply saddened and in disbelief because I just couldn't wrap my head around the fact that my Dad was gone. I was stuck and not allowing myself to go through the stages of mourning.

While sitting on the steps by the kitchen I was listening all that was being said and just taking it all in. I was withdrawing myself from being emotionally attached in this very moment. Everyone was becoming frustrated with the anger that was being projected by my sister and my Mom. It was being directed towards objects, strangers, along with friends and family. When we feel out of control the guilt of not being able to control the pain makes us angry. So, what is anger? Anger is not an emotion; it is a reaction of what we have no control of. This feeling that had developed with the realization and the pain that emerged from not being ready in dealing with the death of a parent also grew into not knowing how to cope with stress.

My one sister had unresolved issues that she was dealing with, for instance, not taking the opportunity to say "I'm Sorry", "I Love You", and "Good-bye" the way she would have liked. My other sister was having a difficult time coping with death as she was not able save her father before the paramedic arrived.

It is difficult to come to terms with the new reality, especially one that is not of your choosing. Living life day by day and grieving with death as well as dealing with the Death of The Parent can be the one thing that could pull a family away from one another and/or bring them closer than ever. Everyone goes through different types of emotions when an incident occurs but it was my father's passing that made such a drastic difference in my family. We lost someone we all loved, admired, and learned so much from through the years. Not only was he there for all of us but my family, were in a way, forced to connect differently once he was gone. My mother and sister's had different opinions and went through different emotions trying to deal with grief and loss. At the end of the day, there is no right or wrong way when dealing with loss because it is a completely personal experience and all depends on the relationship and connection we have with that person.

Grief Stages With Loss of a Parent
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Freda Kralj invites you to visit her website http://www.griefgrieving.com. Living life with loss and learning to breath through the pain. Going through the stages of mourning is a personal experience, there is no right nor wrong way, If you would like to learn how to move froward with life with loss, you will love her blog. It's full of strategies that will lighten your life, improve relationship with family and friends.

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Grief and Loss - Give Yourself Permission and Time To Grieve

Grief is a natural process. It is an intense emotion and the experience of grief and grieving is one thing that differentiates us from animals and makes us human. The process of coming to terms with and accepting the unacceptable is what grieving is about.

The process of grieving requires hard work It is a process that entails work over many painful months or even years. We grieve because we are deprived of a loved one whether husband, wife, lover, parent or child. The sense of loss is profound and this loss affects the way we define ourselves. Grief can be intensified by the sudden change in our circumstances after a death and the fear of not knowing what lies ahead.

The death of a loved one can be a life-changing experience and will probably affect all aspects of your life over the coming months and possibly, years.

Grief and Loss - Give Yourself Permission and Time To Grieve

And it might not be death that takes that person out of your life. A prolonged terminal illness or a disease such as Alzheimer's will cause grief and will need to be dealt with. This 'anticipatory grief' can be just as painful as losing someone you love to death. We may experience guilt for thinking "I wish it was over'. Acknowledge and recognize that these feelings are perfectly normal.

This 'anticipatory grief' is a way of preparing us emotionally for the inevitable. This preparation time can allow us to clear any unresolved issues. It is also a good time to seek support from family, friends and perhaps, spiritual advisors or other professionals.

A sudden death creates shock and confusion to those left behind. In the wake of this sudden death, through whatever cause, we are left searching for answers. We may be left with unresolved issues such as feelings of guilt that can overwhelm us. The feelings may appear to take over your life at first, but it is possible to overcome the guilt by forgiving yourself and if necessary, your loved one.

At this time we need the support of family and friends and perhaps professionals to get through the pain and shock of this devastating loss. And of course as with all grief, we need to give ourselves time to grieve. And we need to give ourselves permission to grieve.

Grief impacts each individual differently. The grieving process is different for each of us and can depend on our belief system, religion, experience and the type of loss we have suffered. Research has shown that intense (initial stage) grieving lasts from 3 months to a year. Although many people experience this intense grieving for longer than that. Sometimes friends and family may be concerned that this grieving is going on too long and that the person who is grieving is behaving abnormally. This is not the case and everybody must be allowed space and time to grieve and heal at their own pace.

Grief and Loss - Give Yourself Permission and Time To Grieve
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When I was first on my own I looked for help everywhere. Friends and family were very supportive but as none of them had lost their soulmate, they really couldn't understand the anguish that I was feeling.

I recently discovered an amazing program called Move from Grief to Joy [http://www.griefandlosssupport.com]. Brittany Watkins has experienced great loss and her program is full of ways to help you move through the stages of grief and live a normal, interactive life again. With this program, grief becomes manageable and you can survive.

Some members of my support groups have found it to be particularly helpful to them. Have a look and see what you think. Click here [http://www.griefandlosssupport.com].

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Long Term Effects Of Loss After Grieving

Grieving is a process that starts at different points for different people after encountering a tragedy. Some start straight away while others lay dormant in shock until the reality of the situation hits home. Either way there is a large part of grieving that is unexpected and unexplained. It's the bits that you have to deal with long after the tragedy has taken place. The mental and emotional damage, the suppressed fears, distortions of the mind, all of these things are the post traumatic effects of loss.

I would like to write this article to promote the awareness of the after-after effects of loss due to death of a loved one. These are the long term effects that subside deep within the sub consciousness and psyche of the mind. It is common amongst friends and other people to hold the view that a tragedy is something that happens, you process and eventually adapt to and 'get over'. While this is the general path an aggrieved person takes it doesn't necessarily mean that after a year or so that person has mended completely and the occurrence no longer has any substantial effect. It is also common for those grieving to believe this is the correct path as they too are unaware of the post traumatic effects it has. It is normal in this situation for the grieved person to feel emotions of guilt for not of having healed. You begin to ask yourself questions such as 'why am I not over this?", "am I not strong enough to get over it", "how come I still feel sad", "why can't I move on", "everyone is sick of hearing about it", "I must be a bad person if I can't let this go". The fact of the matter is that when you have lost someone near and dear you never 'get over' the event. Death and tragedy is not a matter of being torn and repaired but more a matter of learning to incorporate the experience of the event into who you are. You are now someone who has experienced a tragedy. The loss of losing that special person is an adaptation, not a recovery. You are not 'broken' but 'changed'. It is therefore important to allow people the lee way to find room in their character and personality to incorporate this change.

One significant change that can occur is a sense of heightened sensitivity to the fragility and insecurity of love and life. People who have suffered loss may feel more compassion for human kind, life is not so concrete. You may become more aware of peoples feelings and feel angry when people are insensitive to each other. Anger is an emotion embedded in loss that dwells long after the event has subsided. It is set off easily and often expresses itself in unexpected ways. It is common to feel angry at the world; as if it has stolen unfairly from you and that it is evil and cruel. Loss provokes questions such as 'why me?', 'why them?" and feelings of "it's not fair!" and "how could you!". The griever has to learn where to put these feelings and how to deal with them. On top of this it is also common to feel mad at the person whom you have lost, mad at yourself for feeling mad and mad at the world for letting such a horrible thing occur.

Long Term Effects Of Loss After Grieving

A lot of this anger is hard to express and can often lead to suppression and depression. I think it is important for those who have grieved to go easy on themselves and even more important for those around them to offer their full support. This is not always easy as depressed people are usually unwilling to share, making communicate difficult. It is common to feel as though the subject is taboo and that no one wants to hear your story, that it is a burden to the listener and unfair to unload an extreme amount of negative emotions onto the shoulders of a friend. Therefore a lot of people chose to retract emotionally, allowing unresolved thoughts and feelings to be pushed to the side, or to the bottom of the pile. This can lead to a pattern of suppression as every time those feelings resurface in order to be processed, the mind pushes them back down labelling them 'bad' thoughts. This is an incredibly unhealthy cycle as it is the job of the sub conscious to ensure these negative energies are released similar to the way the liver cleans your body of toxins. Unresolved negative emotions create a build up of negative patterns in the brain along with constant chemical releases that create hormones of anger, guilt, fear, anxiety and stress. These are the long term negative effects I talk of. Unless dealt with properly, these side effects could go on for years preventing the person from experiencing healthy relationships and closing them off to feelings of love, warmth and support. Often losing someone puts extreme pressure on all coping mechanisms of the body in this way.

All of us will all at sometimes in our life experience loss. Death is apart of life as life is apart of us. It is important to remember that there is no one way to go about grieving, that everyone does it differently. Be aware that a person who has suffered loss is forever changed and that it is just as hard to understand them as it is for them to understand themselves. It is normal to feel afraid, insecure and scared for many years after the event. That some people will always fear losing the ones they love and may feel resilient to let love in again. So please be patient with those who have lost. Pain of loss is a healing process and a process that is delicate, long term and forever proposing new learning's. There is no manual to coping with loss and it is something that will continually pop up as the grieved learn to bind their old relationships and lives with the new person they have learnt to become.

Long Term Effects Of Loss After Grieving
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Abby Lynne

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Anticipatory Grief and Holidays: 12 Survival Tips

Anticipatory grief - a feeling of loss before a death or dreaded event occurs - is a hard journey. Holidays make it even harder. At a time when you're supposed to feel happy and joyful, you feel sad and anxious. You're on pins and needles and wonder what will happen next.

Remember, your grief stems from love, and you may find comfort in that. Holidays don't erase your reasons for feeling sad and lonely, according to the National Mental Health Association, and "there is room for these feelings to be present." So accept your feelings and, if you feel like crying, go ahead and do it.

Crying will help you to feel better. Here are some other ways you can help yourself.

Anticipatory Grief and Holidays: 12 Survival Tips

BE REALISTIC. You don't have to create a "perfect" holiday. Do you really need to knit sweaters for everyone? No. Do you really need to serve a six course meal? No. What you need to do is set realistic goals, get organized, and pace yourself. Rather than focusing on one day, the National Mental Health Association recommends focusing on "a season of holiday sentiment."

ASK FOR HELP. You don't need to do everything yourself. Family members and friends will be glad to help with planning, decorating, and cooking. One family member could bring a traditional dish, such as pumpkin pie. Another family member could provide linens and launder them afterwards. Your request for help makes others feel needed.

BUDGET. Finances can cause stress at any time, but they cause lots of stress during the holidays. Set a budget for gifts, decorations, and entertaining. Staying within your budget will make you feel better about the holidays and yourself. Your gifts don't have to be new. Holiays are a perfect time to pass along family possessions - a flower vase, historic photo, or beloved book. Stick a short note about the item in with your gift.

EAT RIGHT. Because nutrition affects brain chemistry, you need to eat balanced meals during the holidays. Yummy as they look, pass up the candy and cookies that come your way. Choose lots of fruits and veggies from the buffet table and one dessert. Keeping a supply of healthy snacks on hand will also help you to eat right.

DRINK MODERATELY. Alcohol makes the holiday blues worse, according to the National Mental Health Association. Too much alcohol can cause you to say things you'll regret later. If you drink alcohol, drink in moderation or skip it all together. Drink sparkling cider, non-alcoholic punch, or flavored water instead of alcohol.

GET ENOUGH SLEEP. You've probably thinking, "Yeah, right." But you need sleep to survive the holidays. Getting enough sleep is hard to do with so many holiday events going on. However, you may be selective about what you attend, leave early, and get a good night's sleep. Balance a late night with a short nap the next day.

LIGHT YOUR WAY. Vanerbilt University wellness experts say more people get depressed during the holidays than at any other time. Some of these people have Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). If you live in a cold climate and the days are short you may wish to be evaluated for SAD. Phototherapy (intense lighting) is usually recommended for those with SAD. Even if you don' have SAD well lit rooms will lift your spirits.

EXERCISE. Daily physical activity is a proven way to cope with stress. Walk around town or the local mall and look at holiday decorations. Play catch with your kids or grandkids. Bundle up and go cross country skiing. A half hour of physical activity per day helps to chase the blues away.

BE CONCILATORY. According to http://www.MayoClinic.com family tensions may flare during the holidays if members are "thrust together for several days." Holidays aren't the time to settle family disputes, they're a time for concilatory and kind behavior. Discuss family grievances at a later date.

HELP OTHERS. Holidays are associated with families and togetherness according to Jill RachBeisel, MD, Director of Community Psychiatry at the University of Maryland. But, due to the divorce rate and fragmented families, many don't have this kind of holiay experience. Still, you may connect with a substitute family by volunteering a a senior center, reading to shut-ins, or tutoring children.

MAKE NEW MEMORIES. The memories you make during this holiday season may comfort you in the future. Take digital photos of holiday events and put them on a CD. Send copies of the CD to all family members. Every family has stories to tell and you may create new memories by tape recording some of these stories. You may also videotape holiday events.

SAVOR THE MOMENT. Though you are sorrowful, you're alive, able to be with those you love and care about. Surround yourself with life: family members, dear friends, colorful flowers, a tail-wagging dog, and hobbies that make you happy. For every moment of life - even the sorrowful ones - is a miracle.

Copyright 2005 by Harriet Hodgson. To learn more about her work go to http://www.harriethodgson.com

Anticipatory Grief and Holidays: 12 Survival Tips
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Harriet Hodgson has been a nonfiction writer for 27 years and is a member of the Association of Health Care Journalists. Her 24th book, "Smiling Through Your Tears: Anticipating Grief," written with Lois Krahn, MD, is available from http://www.amazon.com The book is packed with Healing Steps - 114 in all - that lead readers to their own healing path.

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The Grieving Process and Its Importance to Addiction Recovery

This paper will address the importance of the grieving process to sustaining addiction recovery. In order to accomplish this I will utilize several sources which discuss the grieving process, including Elizabeth Kubler-Ross's stages of grieving, J. William Worden's book called "Grief Counseling and Grief Therapy", and Robert Helgoe's book "The Hierarchy of Recovery". Additionally, some personal and professional experience will also be included.

There are three reasons that the grieving process is important to sustained, rewarding recovery. The first is many addicts have unresolved grief issues from their pasts. Perhaps the death of a relative or the dissolution of a close personal relationship has occurred. The use of drugs and alcohol hamper the grieving process, resulting in a delayed grief reaction. The loss is not grieved until the addictive use of drugs and alcohol has ceased and the feelings surrounding the loss are felt and processed.

A second reason that grieving is important to recovery is the result of the losses that occur due to addictive use. Many recovering addicts grieve time they have lost with family, time lost in or starting their careers, and possibly potentials or opportunities that were lost. Recovering addicts compare their progress in their lives to that of non-addicted peers, and they appear to fall short. Their peers have moved on in their careers, have had and raised families, and have many amenities that a person new to recovery may lack.

The Grieving Process and Its Importance to Addiction Recovery

In order to discuss the third reason that the grieving process is essential to rewarding recovery I must first introduce a theory from Helgoe's book, "Hierarchy of Recovery". Helgoe divides recovery into two phases. The push phase is defined by the focus of motivation, which in this case is toward the crisis or events which led to treatment. More concisely, the recovering addict is staying clean to avoid the consequences they experienced due to active addiction. Their motivation is largely to avoid the life they were living, being pushed from an old life to a new.

In the pull phase the recovering person is drawn toward a more spiritual and fulfilling life. The focus of recovery is no longer avoidance of an old way of living, but attraction to a new way of being, and enjoyment of the rewards of recovery in the present. Furthermore, focus on continued self-discovery, and eventually self-expression are the focus.

Helgoe believes that in order to move into the pull phase of recovery, in which the rewards of recovery are found, a person must complete the grieving process for their addiction. Facing the fact that the use of a substance such as alcohol or drugs can never be relied upon again is a painful experience for any addict. The reality of living the rest of your life without drugs and alcohol is sometimes nearly impossible to fathom to those dependent upon them. When an addict gives up substances they are giving up a friend, a lover, and possibly the only relief they know. True acceptance of powerlessness over substances is a true loss. And according to Kubler-Ross, an authority on grief and grieving, we experience grief whenever we lose anything of importance.

As identified by Kubler-Ross, there are six stages of grieving. They are:
Shock: the inability to grasp the situation as it is presented. The information is too overwhelming to process. Usually lasts only a few minutes.
Denial: a belief that the news can not be correct, due to the pain associated with the loss.
Anger: diminishes the experience of the pain that comes with the loss. Can occur at person or thing lost, at God, or at self.
Bargaining: hope leads to bargaining, a defense mechanism that delays the pain of the loss temporarily, until the hope is extinguished.
Depression: works to dull the pain of the loss because it dulls nearly all experience, internal and external. (Hierarchy of Recovery, pgs 56-59)

According to Helgoe, "at this point people go in one of two directions: they either continue defending against the pain or they drop their defenses and experience the pain." If they choose to continue to defend against the pain and not experience it, they "may resort to previously used (defenses, denial, anger, bargaining) and enter into what can be termed extended or chronic grief, a life debilitating situation often misdiagnosed". (pg59-60)
Acceptance: the acceptance of the pain associated with the loss.

In the book "Grief Counseling and Grief Therapy" by J. William Worden, the grief process is divided into four tasks, all of which relate to the stages of grief previously mentioned. They are described in the following:
Task I- Accept the reality of the loss.

During this phase the denial of the loss, including denial regarding the meaning of the loss and/or the irreversibility of the loss are resolved. Relates to shock, denial, and bargaining.
Task II- Working through the pain.

During this phase the grieving work in relation to the pain is processed and resolved. Avoiding the pain prolongs the process, as does avoiding the anger. People avoid anger due to feeling guilty, such as being angry at deceased or at God. In relation to addiction, the recovering addict may be angry with God for making them an addict, angry with the disease of addiction, angry at themselves for being an addict, and angry at those who can drink or use socially. They may have pain related to not being able to use again, and the acceptance of powerlessness may hurt their image of self worth. Relates to anger and depression.
Task III- Adjustment to the environment.

During this phase the individual may need to re-identify him or herself and take on new roles.
Relates to the beginning of acceptance.
Task IV- Emotional relocation of the loss.

The emotional energy once tied to the loss is relocated. This is the final task, and as it relates to recovery the individual has now accepted the loss. Relates to the acceptance stage. This would lend itself to entering the pull stage of recovery, as identified by Helgoe.

There are an array of feelings that are considered normal in the grieving process. These include but are not limited to: sadness, anger, guilt and self reproach, anxiety, loneliness, fatigue, helplessness, shock, yearning, emancipation, relief, and numbness.

There are several complications that can occur during the grieving process. These include:
Delayed grief -the immediate emotional response is insufficient to the loss. (Grief Counseling and Grief Therapy)
Extended grief -emotional flatness, feelings of guilt.
Chronic grief -the continued use of defenses and not dealing with the pain associated with grief results in this. (Hierarchy of Recovery, pg65).

The Grieving Process and Its Importance to Addiction Recovery
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William Berry MS., CAP.

Program Director

Addiction Education Consultants

http://www.addictioneducationconsultants.com

954 306-0722

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When Does Sudden Loss of Memory Occur?

Memory loss can appear either gradually or unexpectedly. Sudden loss of memory can be caused by many factors. First of all, sudden loss of memory may be induced by a head injury. In order to avoid such situations, it is imperative to learn some safety measures. By wearing the seat belt while driving or a helmet while riding a motorcycle, people can prevent damage from being inflicted on the brain.

In some cases, sudden loss of memory appears as a side effect of statin drugs. People who suffer from hypercholesterolemia usually follow a treatment based on statin drugs. Scientists have observed that retrograde memory loss may also be associated to this type of medication.

Instead of following a treatment based on statins, people who have high cholesterol levels are recommended to follow a diet which may help even more their condition. In addition, the diets do not have side effects, if they are followed strictly.

When Does Sudden Loss of Memory Occur?

Other factors that appear without a warning and cause sudden loss of memory are strokes. These are usually determined by a very high blood pressure. Tobacco represents one of the substances that increase the risk of stroke, as it diminishes the blood flow to the brain while increasing the overall blood pressure. Smoking tobacco and all the other products based on tobacco have the same dangerous effect. In addition, tobacco causes many other diseases. Vascular dementia represents alterations of the blood vessels.

In the end, this certain disease leads to stroke and to sudden memory loss. The latter condition does not occur in all the cases. Although vascular dementia develops gradually, the memory loss occurs unexpectedly.

Some brain infections may determine sudden loss of memory, too. Meningitis represents the inflammation of the membrane that surrounds the brain. Furthermore, chronic illnesses or health problems that are recurrent can also determine sudden loss of memory. Epilepsy is, as well, a health condition that may precede sudden loss of memory.

Depending on the underlying cause of memory loss and on the treatment used for that certain cause, the memory loss can be either temporary or permanent. This fact is conditioned by many things, so one cannot determine precisely if the memory will be effective again or not. However, people who experience sudden loss of memory can be helped. First of all, these people must memorize less information, so simplifying the environment in which they live can prove to be an effective measure.

When Does Sudden Loss of Memory Occur?
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Funeral Thank You Cards - Help in Time of Grief

After the funeral is over, it is usual etiquette to send funeral thank you cards to everyone who participated in the funeral event of your loved one, and who assisted you in your time of grieving by offering flowers, financial gifts, and more. Although writing thank you cards might be an annoying job during such an upsetting time, you'll need to force yourself.

By the time people realize that writing funeral thank you verses or notes is not as easy as it seems to be, more than likely, you'll find yourself drowned in tears when you begin this difficult task. However, you'll need to look deep within yourself in order to take on the responsibility of composing thank you cards that express your gratitude to those who have had you in their thoughts, and as a result, you'll convey your appreciation to all the loving people who helped you during your time of loss.

Funeral thank you cards are well considered to serve as a balm during one's grief. The cards or notes might assist you to cope with your grief and depression, and help you to stay focused on the task at hand. It will offer a time of remembering the warm memories of the person who is no longer with you in physical embodiment. Instead of recalling the regrettable moment of death, you'll re-live the loving moments spent with your loved one who has passed away.

Funeral Thank You Cards - Help in Time of Grief

Below, are listed a couple of sample thank you verses. You can copy and paste any of them to your funeral thank you notes if you're finding it hard to develop the sentiments on your own.

We sincerely appreciate your sympathy and thoughtfulness in our time of grief where there's no way out of our sorrow and tears. Although the words 'Thank you' are merely a small gesture of appreciation, I'd like to thank you for keeping us in your thoughts and prayers. We cannot imagine how difficult it would have been to pass this time of sorrow without your support and help. Instead of thanking you, I'd like to thank God for offering me a caring and helpful friend such as you.

When times are difficult and you just cannot find the words to express your gratitude, there's always help by searching the internet for words to help in composing your funeral thank you cards.

Funeral Thank You Cards - Help in Time of Grief
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At a loss for words in time of grief? Feel free to copy the Funeral Thank You Notes and free thank you note samples found at the Thank You Note Wording website.

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Condolence Messages - Samples of What to Say and What Not to Say in Condolence Messages

Condolence messages sent with sincerity are not meant to hurt or remind the bereaved of sad times, but sometimes, a well-intentioned condolence message does just that. When writing a condolence message, it's hard to know what to say and what not to say. How can you truly know what someone is going through at this sad time? How can you truly know what to say that will comfort them?

A Personal Story of a Hurtful Condolence Message
My young cousin sat on the age of her bed sobbing her eyes out. Our grandfather had just died and we were all going through a mixture of raw emotions. We had already shed a river of tears over the preceding couple of days, but this time the crying was different. These tears weren't fuelled by sadness; rather they came from anger and disbelief. "How could they say that?" she cried.

The saddest part of watching this beautiful young girl sobbing uncontrollably was, knowing the reason she was so upset. She had been relatively fine considering the circumstances, slowly coming to terms with our loss. Until she had read the letter she still held in her hands. A condolence message sent from a friend. "How could they?" she said, looking at me with her red, confounded eyes.

Condolence Messages - Samples of What to Say and What Not to Say in Condolence Messages

Unintentionally Upsetting the Bereaved
The friend who had sent the letter had no intention of upsetting my young cousin. In fact, they thought they were being sympathetic and somewhat helpful. They had unintentionally mentioned a previous disagreement my cousin had had with my grandfather. A disagreement that, at this time, she was feeling exceptionally guilty about. The friend's intention was to alleviate her guilt, but she had only compounded it. Best if it had been left unsaid.

It's so difficult to determine what any individual may be going through during the grieving process. Grief is so unique, and different people will handle it in different ways. Someone whom you thought would be a pillar of strength may be reduced to being completely helpless, and vice versa. The emotions can be so volatile at this time that what is said and not said must be carefully considered.

Put Yourself in the Bereaved Person's Position
Though it may be hard to imagine and a bit distasteful, try to put yourself in the grieving person's position. Would you want to be reminded of how your loved one died? I think we both know the answer to that question. But, it has been done, and only because of the awkwardness of the situation. People often stumble over what to say in a condolence letter simply from having no familiarity with it. Everyone experiences death at some point in their life, and the first time is no doubt the most difficult.

Some Basic Things to Avoid in a Condolence Message:

• Raising issues you or the bereaved may have had with the deceased
• Comparing their loss with some problem you may be having or difficulty you may be going through
• Offering advice on how to handle their grief. Especially if you have no experience.
• Minimize their loss through the use of cliches such as, "time heals" or "you'll get over it".
• Never, ever raise the issue of money owed - by or to either party.
• Don't apologize or make excuses for not being as good a friend or relative or neighbour as you could have. Reserve this for a more appropriate time in the future.

Keep It Simple and Sensitive
A basic rule of what to say when writing a condolence message is the KISS principle. Keep It Simple and Sensitive. Do say that you're sorry for their loss, and do say something positive about the deceased. Mention their strengths of character, good deeds or work they may have done. Share a fond or funny memory of the person that you recall. These sorts of things can be very comforting to those who are grieving, and help to alleviate the pain of their loss.

It is also appropriate to offer support at this time, whether it be emotional, or providing some help with cooking, transport or children if they are involved. Never offer financial assistance at this time! On signing off, simply express your heartfelt condolences. Phrases such as "With Deepest Sympathy", or "Our Loving Thoughts" are both suitable and soothing in a condolence message.

Condolence Messages - Samples of What to Say and What Not to Say in Condolence Messages
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Melanie Walters recommends ObituariesHelp.org for Condolence Messages, sample letters of sympathy and condolence, written examples of eulogies as well as help with all aspects of funeral planning. Also download free genealogy resources and read about building a family tree.

Melanie Walters created http://www.obituarieshelp.org/ to be the complete online resource for sympathy, condolence messages, obituaries, funeral help and genealogy. Free Sample Condolence Messages are available online to help you write your own. Also find family tree templates, newspaper obituaries listings; plan funerals and write sympathy and condolence messages using free samples and guides.

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